Is That a Banana... Part 2

"Glenn looked up at the clock on the restaurant wall and realized they'd been talking for almost four hours. 'I should really let you go,' he said. 'Aw, if you have to,' she answered. It had a been a great night. Diana managed to touch him in a way no other woman could, mostly on account of her very sharp fingernails. Just by holding hands she had cut him up like an intern surgeon at a less than reputable hospital. As they both got up, Diana flashed him a smile.

'You know, you're not nearly as big an asshole as that horrible suit led me to believe,' she said. Glenn paused.

'My mother bought me this suit. Right before she and my puppy were killed in a freak explosion on our houseboat.'

'God, this is awkward,' Diana said."
--Excerpt from Is that a Banana in Your Vagina, or are We Making Love? by Greg Sidor

Welcome back. So now you know the names of the two main characters in the story. Glenn and Diana. Glenn is pretty much an everyman, working a decent job but not "livin' la vida loca" by any means. Well, maybe in the eyes of a child in a Somali slum. But most of us would be underwhelmed by his lifestyle. Glenn has been searching for love in all the wrong places, like under sofas and in between seat cushions. But he's a fighter, and tonight he's found someone.

Then there's Diana. Diana is a slut. She doesn't mean to be. She just falls in love too easily and gives it away like banks hand out toasters with new accounts. She gets her heart broken a lot. But so far she's clear of any diseases, so she can still sleep at night. Besides spreading her legs more often than Michael Moore says, "Biggie size that," she's a pleasant girl. She has a heart of gold and donates to charities every year, especially around Christmas, when she feels guilty about living a life with satellite tv when some people can't afford a pot to piss in. And those who can afford the pot but can't summon the motivation to dump it out into the alleyway every once in a while.

You'll get some more insight into both of these people in the coming days. Now for something completely different...

I haven't seen some of you in a long time. For my L.A. friends, that means you have to call me so that we can hang out before Xmas. I leave on the 20th until the 26th. For my Chicago posse, mark your calendars. Think of people you'd like me to dedicate songs to on the radio. People you don't like. That's all for now. Sidor Out.