I want to eat your sex... wait, what?

The Carl's Jr./Hardees Paris Hilton burger ad has the Parents Television Council up in arms. The commercial is pretty suggestive, but I don't take issue with the morality of it. More than anything, it confuses me.

Sex sells a lot of things, but I don't think it works for food. In fact, after watching the ad ( SpicyParis.com ) I can attest to the fact that there is nothing more confusing than having an erection and a growling stomach simultaneously.

Both organs are asking me to fulfill a primal need. And both organs are close to my heart (so punny!). This is further complicated by the fact that I'm not sure what to think of Paris Hilton. Parts of her are sexy, and then others resemble an alien. In short, I'm torn between eating a burger or fucking someone who may or may not be an extraterrestrial. This is a lot for me to handle, and I could see why the PTC would be apprehensive about little kids considering this. You might just fry their innocent minds.

So from now on, unless they're pushing edible underwear, I don't think companies should use sex to sell food. For once, I find myself on the same side as the conservatives. But it's mostly because, in a fit of confusion, I ended up having sex with a bacon cheeseburger. And let me tell you, that's a sorry excuse to wreck a set of sheets.