A message from the Southern Baptist Convention...

Hello, ultra-virginized Falwell Youth! Welcome to another installment of Jerry's Kids, the only newsletter for the truly saved. This week we have some interesting facts to share with you, and some questions to pose in order to stir those holier-than-thou minds of yours! But don't think too hard, we wouldn't want you to become a member of the intellectual elite! Haha... on with the fun!

SURVEY SAYS...

What are we blaming on uppity women and homosexuals this week?

10% Pickup truck not working

25% Losing favorite Budweiser trucker hat

20% Kelsey Grammer

45% Buring sensation when you urinate

SEX -- SEPERATING THE TRUTH FROM THE MUSLIM-INSPIRED FALSEHOODS

Answers to readers' questions about sex.

1. Is it a sin to think about sex?

Yes, though it is not a sin to think about your wedding day and the nine months post-coitus that you will spend making dinner for your man until a baby or two pops out of your nether regions.

2. I can keep my hands behind my back during the day, but at night sometimes I have dreams I can't control. What should I do if the unmentionable happens?

Feel very guilty and use gloves to remove your sin-soaked sheets.

3. I hear women can have orgasms. Is that true?

Rumors are a dime a dozen nowadays, aren't they?

Well kids, that's all the time we have for now. Until next time... stay chaste and don't "do the deed." Because remember, only geeks freak.