Afghan Diaries, Part II ...

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As you know I've been in the wasteland that is the Afghan/Pakistani border searching for Osama bin Laden. My purpose? To defecate on his beard, therefore paying him back in spades for the trouble he has caused my country.

But today I received some disappointing news. I ran into a British secret agent named Sky, who was doing some undercover work for the UK. She had disguised herself as a camel with the clever use of some extremely tight leather pants, and recognized me as a fellow Westerner.

She told me bin Laden has shaved his beard to better disguise himself. This means my mission has failed by default. With no beard, there is no comedy/revenge. If I were to defecate on him now, I'd simply be shitting on a man's shorn face. And that would be kind of sick.

I'll be returning to the States soon enough. First there's the matter of debriefing Sky. Hey, I can't let this trip be a complete waste. God bless America ... and may a million years of flatulence fall upon the house of bin Laden.