Strung along...

There's something in modern cosmology (study of the universe, not how to make sorority girls look sexy) called String Theory. I don't pretend to understand it, though I did pursue the G-string through four years of college.

Anyhow, scientists theorize that other dimensions besides our four (time counts as one) exist. And they exist perhaps just millimeters away from us, but because of the organization of this particular universe, we can't move through them, or even realize they're there.

In short, you could be a millimeter away from a 5th dimension elephant in the room. Or two squid-like aliens making love. You'd never know.

In the wake of the disaster in New Orleans, where we saw so many people revert to primal behavior after the structure of civilization collapsed, I can only think that our minds may be arranged something like that, too.

Maybe our savage, primal selves are not 100,000 years in the past like we might believe, but really mere millimeters under our everyday personalities. All it takes is a certain catalyst to flip the switch and bring that "fifth dimension" to the forefront.

We're all aware of this in some capacity. Urges for sex and food can easily thwart our higher brain. Think of how many stupid things you've done in pursuit of someone, or what you would do if you were starving.

It seems to make sense in other facets, too. It explains how some people go so bad, such as rapists and killers. It says that it's not really such a jump, but just a matter of a short distance. It really throws a wrench in the idea that we're that advanced or civilized.

This may or may not make sense. At any rate, it's all just something to think about. Nobody ever suffered for thinking... well, unless you worked in the Bush administration, in which case you probably lost your job.

Safety is key

My question is, if you accidentally blow up your own people, do you still get the 72 virgins?

From the Associated Press:

JEBALIYA, Gaza Strip - A truck filled with masked militants and homemade weapons exploded at a Hamas rally Friday, killing at least 15 Palestinians and wounding 80 — including children — bringing a grisly and terrifying end to one of the last gatherings by armed groups celebrating Israel's Gaza pullout.

And even more ironically:

Mishandled explosives apparently caused the blast, which came a day before an agreement by militants not to publicly parade weapons is to take effect.

But it doesn't end there:

During an Islamic Jihad rally at the abandoned Jewish settlement of Netzarim last week, a gunman died after accidentally shooting himself in the head.

Osama bin Laden must be very disappointed.

My noble penis...

Something's been bothering me lately.

The Califorina state Assembly recently approved a bill legalizing gay marriage. The robot from the future sent back to govern us, Arnold Schwarzenegger, has vowed to veto it. So it goes.

What bothers me is the people who are opposed to gay marriage not necessarily on the grounds that sex should only be for procreation (if this is your opinion, your sex life will either be laughable or overrun by 30 kids in no time... but to each their own), but that there is something less moral or less noble about a homosexual relationship.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me be frank about my frankfurter... the mere presence of the word sex in heteroSEXual or homoSEXual should make it clear that one of the main draws anyone has to a relationship is the intimacy that comes with it. If not, I'd have lost the penis long ago so that I didn't have to adjust so many times during the day.

Whether you want M4F, M4M, F4F or F4CM (Female for Circus Midget love), sex is sex, and it's neither noble nor crass.

Just because Pat Robertson stuck his twinkie into some lady's hoohah doesn't make it any more noble an act than if he'd put it in Jerry Falwell's exit lane (which, according to some sources, may have actually happened after a wild night at the seminary).

What makes sex crass is if you really don't care about the person you're with. A one night stand is crass. But long-term relationship sex is of the same value among people of different sexual preferences.

So don't tell me hetero sex should be held up on a pedestal. While enjoyable, it's not always pretty (things leak or go dry, alternatively), and as with so many things, it's the thought that counts. That's what I tell my partners when I fail to bring them to climax... and it seems to do the trick. Which is probably why I'm alone in a room at 4 a.m. typing about sex I'm not having...

Allow me to go put myself back together.