A new and dire threat... cannibalism! Ahhh!

"It's just the worst kind of message to kids,"

- Senator Joseph Lieberman on cannibalism in video games.

That's right, folks... 2,000+ dead American soldiers, and somehow this merits a press conference.

Life must be absolutely terrifying for the groups that waste time on issues like this. I mean, cannibalism? I can understand where you object to running over a whore to get your money back in "Grand Theft Auto"... I'm sure many whores have been run over. But cannibalism?

If the next school shooting involves neo-Nazi kids who microwave their classmates, we can talk. Until then, get a second job and start worrying about the real dangers out there, like being hit by a meteorite. Or being run over by a John.

How do the cameramen and reporters keep from laughing in their faces?

If ever there were an argument against intelligent design, look no further than Washington, D.C.

Speaking of intelligent design, I wish people would stop pushing the idea that humans are particularly well-designed. Supporters always use the example of the eye... how could that evolve on its own? It's so perfect. Well guess what? I wear glasses.

OK, that's enough for now. I'll try and update more often, if I can subdue the urge to eat my neighbors... come to think of it, I could go for Chinese tonight.